Revealing a bit too much today!

I have been experiencing some strange emotions today....there is a bitterness on my brain and the taste is souring my tongue. I haven't a clue...perhaps a break down is near....straight jacket and heavy psych drugs? A rubber room to stare away the hours in the isolation that unmercifully consumes? The rain does not wash away the dirty stains but some how causes the disease of the polluted earth to rise to the surface! Everything is a blurr as it passes my life....

The phone keeps ringing. The sound is driving me crazy! It is him calling. That person that makes every flaw I have emerge. He ignites an anger inside of me that is beyond description. My body is tense, my words are cruel and I just don't know how to make it stop. There is no making it stop. I feel trapped in this situation. I let him in because he needed a place to stay but now it has been four months and I find myself ANGRY every day and isolating in my room because my home has been invaded!

There has to be an end! I just can't seem to see it....
I feel obligated to help him and yet every moment he is here I grow more and more resentful. He breathes and I want to suffocate him. He bleeds and I want to pour salt! He speaks and all I want to do is sew his lips together. It is absurd. I am not CRAZY! It's just he never stops talking about the most ridiculous boring useless things.
Pearle, should I close the drawer? Pearle, where is a spoon? Pearle, why is this and why is that? Pearle, I am doing this! Pearle, I am doing that! Pearle, you should read all about solar energy so that I can sell it! Pearle, have you researched Solar energy? Pearle, I wish you would stop wasting your time on meaningless crap and do what I ask you to do! Pearle! Pearle! Pearle!

Oh My GOD!!!! Make it stop.

I need my home back. I am sick of the mess. I am sick of the noise. I am sick of everything!
I NEED PEACE IN MY LIFE!

Rocking Chair....

So, Reagan found this adorable tiny rocking chair. I started painting it today and this is what happened. It is not done but it is getting close. I am so excited that I actually got this much done. I dig this very much.
The other day I painted a 16" pepper mill. I had a lot of fun painting it but I am not sure if I dig it. I may not be done or something....It just doesn't feel finished. Strange because it is super busy.

The Cow-in-a-box...?? I don't know. He is just there for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I need suggestions for the second pepper mill, like colors or something.
I have been painting all day practically...it leaves me a little brain dead.

I think the Switch has been turned on!

Last night I started painting again! I am very excited about this because I haven't been. I decided to work on some pretty simple projects. I have a strange wood floor lamp that my daughters dance instructor found. I think it is pretty cool. I removed all the electrical wiring and have decided not to replace it. I have however decided to turn it into a candle holder. I just need to find the pieces to do this. I have an idea and I am hoping I can create what I imagine because I think it will be really cool.
I am also painting clip boards and picture frames. I think once I start getting back in the groove I will just be an explosion of productive energy. This usually happens from time to time. This whole creative block and then explosion of energy. It is both frustrating and rewarding depending on how long the process takes.

Groovy is Home!

Groovy's Operation went well. She is home and doing Great! Angell Memorial Boston was wonderful w/ her. I was a nervous wreck and they calmed my nerves and fixed my baby!

xoxox

Looking for Inspiration & Motivation & perhaps a little....

Today is the day. I need to get back to work It is absurd that I haven't done anything. I can't afford to go through another non-productive day. I have accomplished absolutely NOTHING in the past few weeks! I have a ton of things that need to get done and I am at a complete stand still.
I have a few things started but I can't get into the groove.
My head is all backed up with so many things I can't even get my priorities straight. What on earth am I going to do if I don't get into the painting groove?
There is a clock in two pieces on my living room floor. I painted it a strange light blue...but that is it, nothing else. I know that it isn't finished but I just don't know what the next step would be. Where does this clock want me to go? It is a clock I am actually doing for my daughters dance instructor. It is in lousy condition. Looks like it has been left out on the rain. I did some minor repairs but not too much because I am afraid it might fall apart. The clock doesn't actually work but that doesn't seem to matter to its owner.
So I am at a fork in the road....which way do I go? Do I continue in the direction to nothingness and endless procrastination or do I get up off of my bottom (which is at an unrecognizable size) and get something, anything accomplished?!

That is another thing....my weight. I stopped smoking 2 years ago and have been dealing w/ stress....its all right in the face. Life sometimes throws these amazingly difficult curve balls and it seems that I don't actually duck for any of them but rather take it straight in my face. Head on with the ungrooviness of what life sometimes has to offer. I'll tell you though, next time the sh*t hits the fan....I am running for cover! I don't dig getting dragged down and stomped on by other peoples demons. Sounds selfish but the truth is....I might be better off if I practiced a little more selfishness. (wow, went way off course on this one!)
Now, back to my needing to pick up a paintbrush an get things done! Today is a good day to get started. The sun is shining in my window and the warmth and glow is energizing! Free & Groovy are laying beside me. Free really needs to go on a diet. Maybe I can make a commitment to the both of us....Poor Fat Free!

Tomorrow is Groovy's Surgery. Painting might be a good way to deal with my worry......

My Lovely Groovy

This is my cat Groovy. On Friday she will be having a small mass removed from her back. This will be the first time she will be in surgery. According to the doctor it will be a simple procedure. If there would be any complications it would be the anesthesia that would cause any. Fingers crossed and lots of prayers that this procedure will go as smoothly as it was explained to me. Groovy is a very important part of our family. Although this is not life threatening it is still a little unsettling. Groovy is an indoor cat who has never met a stranger....you touch her and her Purr turns on! She loves to lay on people with her belly up and be rubbed all over. Groovy is all about Love!

A wood box in a cast iron stand

Jasmines Mirror

Dream

This is a small piece of a larger painting. I really dig the way it looks and how the two simple words make me feel. xoxox

Reagans Beautiful Head

 

Reagan painted the Frog @ Crazy Janes, Downtown Natick.

I really dig this picture of my brushes w/ Reagan's Frog.

xoxox

Butterfly Table that I really dig!!!

 

This table was painted in the Summer of 2009. I really love this piece. It is sparkly and full of brilliant color. I love every single bit of it. Like most of my pieces there was a period of time were I started to resent it but that usually passes as it comes to completion. I stood back as I placed that last dot, took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. I am done, I said literally out loud as I have done with each piece I have completed. There usually isn't anybody around to hear me but I say it anyway. When I received this table it was medium/ light stained wood with a satin finish that was worn down in many spots. I had no plan for it. I just sanded it, primed it and started the journey. It may sound strange but after spending some time w/ a piece...by the time I start it takes me where it wants me to go. This table was invisible, a nothing table that you wouldn't even think twice about and now....well, you tell me what you think now.

 

Click on the Photo's to make them larger. I am so excited that I found a way to really show my work and detail. Usually when I try to explain to someone....they have no idea what I am talking about....I usually tell people I obsessively paint patterns to cover an entire area. Does that describe what I do adequately? I think not...just makes me sound like I need a higher dose of medication. xoxox

MEDICATE ME!!! XOXOX

It has been two weeks and sadly I am not feeling myself. I felt this awkwardness creep in and as it did I found nothing was going right. It started with dinner one evening. I don't typically have a difficult time whipping something up in the kitchen but the first evening of this off balance time began with the worse dinner I have ever created. My family got quite a laugh out loud moment as they laughed at my failure.....LOL

So for two weeks I have been completely off balance. I have tried to do things but I can't. I can't paint, I can't think, I can hardly function to do the everyday normal things like washing dishes and what not. I have been a bit woozy and nauseous and short tempered. OH BOY! I remember as a child I was told that people don't know when they are crazy. Perhaps I am having a crossing over time where as I will be officially nuts and incapable of creation when the process is over!! 

I am sure that there are many who will tell me that process of crossing over to the crazy side has long since taken place....and I am sure they are right if my childhood information is correct. I suppose it truly is better to be unaware of craziness than it is to know....that way I think I am normal just fitting into society's huge irrational puzzle rather than a nut trying to to reshape into a rational puzzle piece. With all of this writing in circles nonsense....I think I feel an urge to do something productive today. I am not quite sure what it is but I think I will try. Can't fail wonderfully unless I try miserably!