This morning I sat on an old chair by the window just gazing out. The winter frost on the panes of glass gave way as the steam from my coffee danced from the windowsill. I don't often remember to just sit and observe and perhaps reflect. I am usually trying to get things done like get my daughter off to school, the cats fed and the dishes washed and from there my day unfolds.
Today, I awoke with an ache in my heart. I can't quite put a reason behind it other than perhaps it is that time of year again. The day of my birth is tomorrow and I am not quite sure what I should do about it. I use to ignore it but now with my daughter counting down the days it is hard to pretend it isn't happening. She is so excited and she celebrates my life which is so new to me. Nobody really has paid that much attention to the day before her. Usually it is a day that causes me to be reminded that I am an orphan in the world. This morning though, I feel it might be nice to pay recognition to my birth even if I haven't a clue about it. There are no photos, no funny labor stories, no first year baby book.I don't feel sorry for myself about this because it has been my life to not know these things. I guess it has been minimized so much so it is barely anything anymore but a change in the number of years since my first breath.So, here I am sitting at the window staring out at the world as it passes me by. The traffic passes in spurts but it passes nonetheless. My coffee sits on the sill in a mug that I painted two years ago. I didn't realize how shiny and pretty it is. It just occurs to me that even though the people who made me, who were labeled as my "parents" have long since abandoned me I am not alone. For the elements of what is good and true in this world lead me to another family, a spiritual family. My Lord, my God, has given to me a gift that I sometimes fail to acknowledge. The gift of creativity, the ability to love and the voice to be heard. My hands, my heart and my mind work together with the spirit to create things that are deep within me. I guess I should not discard or ignore what has been given to me but rather be grateful and show the world that I am somebody who loves and lives out loud!
lovely blog!!! love the words and the layout. it all looks awesome!!! congrats on getting yourself out there ~ i know how nerve-wracking it is!!! peace
ReplyDeleteHappy New Day Pearle!
ReplyDeleteHappy Belated Birthday! I missed it by 20 minutes!
ReplyDeleteI love your new blog, Pearle, and will enjoy visiting it to see your heart. love, aim
ReplyDelete